[misc. | converse ]

(╬凸ಠ 益ಠ)凸

s e m i - f r i e n d s o n l y

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only my friends on lj can read this journal in its entirety although some of my entries are set on public.
most of the entries are locked if they concern more private thoughts that i'd rather not release to the public.
if you'd like to become a friend, just comment in this entry.

this journal mostly concerns regular comments about my day-to-day experiences as well as musings and frustrations about my life as a human in general.
most of my posts are of the tl;dr kind.

[lovely complex | food lust ]

valentine's day: a bacon food porn romance

i meant to post a while ago about our valentine's dinner that i had with monica and vicky.
it was fabulous. i know most people go through college eating awful food.
sometimes i wonder if i've missed the essential college student experience of pretty much eating garbage straight out of bins.
then again, with a roommate that can cook stuff like that, i think my situation is much better.

we had some lovely sparkling grape juice along with dimmed lights, floating tea lights, rose petals, and a really shoddy vase made out of an old orange juice bottle.

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[swan princess | disappointed ]

i got that bang bang

woke up this morning to find that my fat ass has managed to rip a seam and make a small hole in my jeggings.
great job..fuckin' great job.

i mean, i know i'm not fat, i just happen to have a lot of junk in my trunk for an asian girl.
apparently you cannot imprison my ass in jean-leggings because it will find a way out.
even if it has to rip its way out.

[misc. | converse ]

(no subject)

i feel as though i have nothing left to write in my journal anymore.
you know, i'm trying not to be like that.
i can't help but think that the older i'm getting, the more of my hobbies i'm losing.
i wish i could stay passionate about the things i liked more instead of just lapsing into a 'blaaaah' sort of attitude about them after a couple years.

for one, i never really write anymore.
i used to enter competitions for creative writing in high school and middle school.
i also used to write short stories and poetry for fun.
now, i can't help but feel that, without a mentor, i have absolutely no drive to continue writing -- it's like my inspirations are gone.
the desire to create is still there, but i have almost nothing to work with.

same goes for drawing, i guess.
i can't remember the last time i did a drawing from sketch and brought it all the way through to finishing it by cleaning and painting it.

i haven't read any new books in a while.
mostly because i pick up books and then drop them halfway as soon as i lose interest.

uugh, i'm becoming boring.
stay passionate, stay passionate.
i feel like i'm becoming less of myself.
[misc. | converse ]

(no subject)

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” - Neil Gaiman
[misc. | converse ]

(no subject)

every day i try harder and harder not to become one of those drones on the campus shuttle who stares at their phone the entire time.

it's so weird.
an entire generation has basically had their faces stapled against the screen of a cell phone.
most of the time i have a hard time counting more than three people who are not staring at their cell phones and texting the entire bus ride.

alone in a crowd.

wonder what emerson would say about the idea of everyone actually being an individual, completely separate from the rest, despite being in a crowd.
only it's gone to the extreme now and you can't actually even talk to people if it isn't through texting.
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[misc. | converse ]

(no subject)

a true story from oxford emory

once upon a time there was a fat happy cracked out gray squirrel. it spent all its days eating nuts and all sorts of goodies while crack-spazzing about in its paradise. one day, while the squirrel was out stuffing its face with more food, a giant hawk swooped down out of the sky and carried away the screaming squirrel as it writhed hopelessly in its claws before devouring and tearing it apart, leaving its rotting body behind as a young chinese girl watched in awe and horror from her dorm window.

i feel like this is a pretty accurate representation of my college experience thus far.

also, last night the fire alarm in the dorm went off at 4 am in the morning and i had to stand bitterly in the cold for half an hour for them to figure out the wiring problem with the alarms. after that i couldn't fall asleep so i just ended up lying with my eyes closed in bed for about two hours until i had to get up to go to work. guh.

at this point i think i've been naturally conditioned to not trust fire alarms.
they're all like the boy who cried wolf.

[misc. | converse ]

(no subject)

"I think the lonely world that I live in was perhaps self imposed at the beginning but has now become the invisible prison that I can never escape. When all we yearn for is a single soul to understand our own, the greatest pain is realizing it will never be. There is no one around me that I can feel that connected to, or share my heart with and in the absence of that emotional warmth, I only have the cold expanse of the Internet to document my human condition"